2012 was an interesting year.

Last August, my partner, lover, best friend and housemate suffered a bleeding brain aneurysm. I found that during this incredibly frightening and difficult situation (more life threatening than anything we have faced in our 24 years together),

I was upheld and supported by friends and family, co-workers and medical professional in ways that exceeded any expectations I might have had going into it. With all this support, encouragement and practical help, I was able to access deeply personal inner resources and trust the God of my understanding to share this journey with me, so that I was never really alone. Joe is recovering well, actually better than anyone had reason to expect. But during the initial phases of this crisis I kept my laptop with me and constantly communicated with friends updates of his condition as well as my thoughts and feelings. This is a portion of some these unedited post.

"Last Thursday night August 2nd, Joe had a headache and lost his dinner. We thought it might be a bug so he took some Ibuprofen and went to bed. Over the next few days he complained on and off that his headache was back and after a few days not going away. He tried to make an appointment to see his doctor but was told to check back to see if there might be a cancellation as they would not be able to see him this week. On Friday morning we decided to go to the Emergency Room as they headache was getting worse. By noon he was sedated and on morphine. The doctor told me they had found an aneurysm, and there was bleeding in his brain, causing the pain. At this point they decided to send him by helicopter to San Francisco California Pacific Medical Center I began at this point to try and contact family and friends via Facebook. My posts were sporadic and spontaneous from that point. Posted on 8/10 Joe was flown to Pacific Medical Center, Davies Campus via helicopter from Sutter here... got to run to SF and I need to breath before heading out, pack some things, breath, feed the cats, breath some more, I have to face traffic. Pray for him. I don't know why I am packing stuff? Guess I want him to have some clothes when he comes home. Got to go. Pray for him. Joe has an aneurysm. (FYI An aneurysm is an abnormal widening or ballooning of a portion of an artery due to weakness in the wall of the blood vessel) It’s in his brain near/above the carotid (?) artery and there was some bleeding which produced a headache, hence our trip to the emergency room this morning. He was flown to California Pacific Medical Center in SF and is now in ICU. I drove down and have been talking to his doctors, he has several, who have explained a lot of things about possible treatments. They have now decided to keep him sedated to prevent seizures and keep his blood pressure low. He is resting and being well cared for. They have told me that in the morning they will consult with more neurosurgeons and other specialists as Joe's aneurysm is unusual and not an easy repair...I won't know any more till tomorrow after they discuss his possible treatments. I may not be able to answer all the questions you might have at this point. I may drive back to Santa Rosa later tonight and return here in the morning before surgery. I am not sure what to do at this point. They are about to let me see him but he will be sedated and unaware of this, but what can one do?? I am thankful for everyone's concern and well wishes. I am just so frustrated to be so far from family.

Motels are booked, way too expensive or just plain awful...the drive home seems more attractive, no traffic this late, still haven't been able to see him...glad I over packed and brought the lap top...really strange that in crisis I pack things instead of eat compulsively as I did when I was young...guess some things change over time...it felt like 100 degrees when I left Santa Rosa, and by the time I got to the Golden Gate it was cold, foggy and I needed to use the windshield wipers...must of been 50 degree, but I packed long pants, sweaters, T shirts, extra sock and undies, shirts, etc...still waiting...Surgeon said it would have made no difference if he had been diagnosed last weekend, but he was in more danger they said immediately after the bleed than he is now...the staff here are really nice and are now OK with me OK- ing the procedures and signing papers, not being married and not having a power of attorney initially created some problems but that seems resolved...one of those things I should have taken care of years ago, I feel so irresponsible...now they are getting me tea, I brought my own Splenda. The doctors want to get his BP up as soon as possible as the bleeding already occurred and is doing damage, and the catherization failed this afternoon, so they are going to perform surgery, open up his skull and dive in, they said the risks of surgery are better than the risks of waiting at this point, and the attending said they would be better rested in the am as you observed. I really appreciate you! I am doing this one hour at a time, one step at a time...I am so sad Joe and I didn't get to talk before the sedation, but he had a seizure and they weren't waiting for me to show up...it's going to be a long journey and the surgeon kept saying there will be many potential bumps in the road the next few weeks...

8/10 2am Thank you for all the good thoughts, prayers and loving comments... I so stunned and tired and frightened and worried and thankful and frustrated...I am so supports by your posts, it really mean a great deal to know so many good people care about Joe. I need to eats something and try to get some sleep. Posted on 8/11 Joe’s love and devotion to me have made me a better person, taught me a lot, and given me much to be thankful for...he's my best friend and biggest supporter. I am waiting to talk to the doctors... 2pm The nurse just told me the surgery is competed and they are moving him to ICU...I am waiting for the doctor to come tell talk to me...I am on pins and needles, but relieved he has made it this far... When Joe wakes up he will be happy to see all the good thoughts, prayers and well wishes. He has a long road ahead if the doctor's assessment is spot on, as he keeps saying we are facing a lot of possible "bumps in the road' but he does not realized we take things "one bump at a time". It was a really long surgery, the surgeon looked beat up but they were able to clamp off the aneurysm, but they are unsure how this may affect Joe as it was part of a system of veins that were supplying blood to small area of his brain that will now be affected...he said it may have no affect at all or it may result in some paralysis...he also said that they will have to do additional test tomorrow to see if the surgery accomplished what needed to be done...but so far Joe looks better than I expected and the nurses will call if he wakes up as they now plan to reduce some of the medications so he can awaken, time will tell...he still has multiple lines, tubes, respirator, drainage, bandages, but they replace the portion of the skull back where it goes and I thought he looked wonderful. He is still under sedation and on a respirator and at risk so it'll probably a few days before he is up for visits but I'll let you know... That would be great though, I like the hospital but its so far away...took me 2 and half hours to get home, and Saturday afternoon traffic on 101 is a bitch...LOL This all happened so suddenly. Since I am assuming he will be there for some time I might be better able to do that. A friend, Ruth lives near the hospital and has offered a place to sleep over. I don't really feel alone and have some difficulty figuring out what I need at this point, (never been good at that) folks keep asking and that's a real blessing. The drive is hard on the car but so far so good, but the parking there is expensive! I don't think I need anything at the moment but am too tired to think about much beyond feeding the cats and the fish, washing the clothes, fixing a meal, making hummingbird food, watering the plants, (all the stuff Joe does! LOL) all these thing I enjoy doing. I think the really big things are going to come in the next few weeks and I can't wrap my head around that at this point.

I am perplexed about asking for help. This all happened so suddenly. I am assuming he will be there for some time, so I might be better able to do that in a few days. A friend, Ruth lives near the hospital and has offered a place to sleep over. I don't really feel alone and have some difficulty figuring out what I need at this point, (never been good at that). Folks keep asking and that's a real blessing. The drive is hard on the car but so far so good, but the parking there is expensive! I don't think I need anything at the moment but am too tired to think about much beyond feeding the cats and the fish, washing the clothes, fixing a meal, making hummingbird food, watering the plants, (all the stuff Joe does! LOL) all these thing I enjoy doing. I think the really big things are going to come in the next few weeks and I can't wrap my head around that at this point. I don't want to miss to much work but will if its something I have to do. I have vacation time and I suppose a day here and there will be sufficient. Not really worrying about anything except about Jo What an unexpected and frightening situation. I need to get some sleep. 8/12 Sunday am Joe is still being sedated, the nurse said he was getting restless and pulling at the breathing tube...probably wants a cigarette LOL...His nurses are terrific and this is just what the overnight nurse predicted and what was confirmed this am. I am not going down today, but they will call me when he opens his eyes or tries to communicate...he is in excellent hands... 10 pm Sunday Just spoken with the ICU nurse and no real changes yet, more tests tomorrow but he is still sedated and they are keeping him as comfortable as possible...when he starts rousing he gets frantic and tries to get up, I guess he is a handful at times...big guy, gentle as a lamb but in this state who knows...like I posted before, the doctors said there may be some paralysis (or not) but I think that's a good sign at least he can move himself though sedated, no seizures after the one on Friday prior to the surgery yesterday, but they have him on medications for that as well...I went to a meeting tonight and that was helpful, our old friends being real supportive and caring...I can't decide what to do beyond the next five minutes, and that will have to be OK for now."

After several weeks he was discharged from the hospital and returned home. Joe was able to complete outpatient physical and occupational therapy locally. I am thankful and joyful that Joe continues to make progress with minimal cognitive and physical deficits. The scar has healed well but the brain recovers slowly. We were able to drive back to San Francisco on New Years Eve and walked around Fisherman's Wharf and Pier 39, had dinner at Sam's Crab Shack and watch the fireworks from the north end of the Golden Gate Bridge. The best New Years Eve ever!!